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False Perceptions

July 5, 2007

There seems to be a message surfacing for me these days. That message is that how I see myself is not necessarily how others see me. I wonder how true this is for all of us. When I judge myself, I’m judging through a lense of childhood pains, adult relationship scars, and failed personal goals I unrealistically set for myself. When other people look at me, they know nothing of those pains, scars, or goals. They see me in a more pure light. True, they are filtering with their own judgements of others, just as I judge others when I see them. We all judge each other somehow, fairly or unfairly. It’s a fact of human nature, in my opinion.

I have been looking inward at myself harshly and thinking I’m flawed somehow – mostly for how I feel about my body. I live my life thinking that if only… and when… “if only I was 40 pounds lighter”…”when my house gets all done, and looks perfect, then – and only then – can I invite people over”. It goes on. I don’t think I’m alone in these perceptions, but it seems that they are more in the forefront of my mind the last short while.

The message I’m getting lately is that none of that really matters so much any more. What matters is that the more I think about the if onlys and whens, the more I miss out on life right now. (I know I’m being a bit cryptic in all this, but some details I just won’t post here, and can’t.) But I’m finding that what I felt to be real about me isn’t true. That the shell I’ve built around my heart and feelings is too thick and no longer serves me well. I am missing out on feeling and embracing life the more I continue to hide behind whatever facade I choose to erect.

Regardless of what the issue might be, I think it’s safe to say that if more than one person tells you the same thing, then it must have some validity. This can be just as basic as someone telling you that you dress nice or have nice hair. Believe them.

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4 Comments
  1. thesecretpocket permalink
    July 6, 2007 1:49 am

    You’re right and we women need to remind eachother of this often.

    My mom and I were at a pool in Disney once. We’re there in our swimsuits feeling self conscious. Then we looked around at the men….

    You know, they’re not all Brad Pitt’s either! They’re no closer to the movie stars than we are. But they don’t care! Why should we? B/c we just do, I guess. We sabotage ourselves. makes me mad but I can’t help doing it.

    Thanks for the reminder. I needed it today.

  2. July 6, 2007 6:17 am

    Great post Claire! Criptic or not, I think we all understand the message – live the life you are in now! Life the when life when it happens!

    Hope you are doing okay – underneath the post you sound a little sad. Want to get together for a coffee sometime this weekend? g

  3. July 8, 2007 7:39 am

    we are our own worst critics. we are way harder on ourselves than we would ever be on anyone else. the next time you feel like beating yourself up, imagine you are talking to a friend. what you tell her? most likely, you point out her good qualities, be supportive and encouraging. don’t we owe that to ourselves?

    teri

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