I know I am a woman with expensive taste and big dreams. I also know I’ve managed on a lot less than I have now – wisdom, money, or material things. And Lord knows there are so many people who have so much less than me, and they manage to live happy fulfilling lives, so why can’t I do the same? Why do I feel the need to attain some level of perfection before being happy (or more to my main motivation, before allowing myself to date and allow someone in my life)?
I had a depressing day yesterday. I had every intention of using this long weekend to accomplish a lot of the last details of my home remodel, starting with painting the baseboards that still need installing. I see no point in bringing all the furniture back into my sewing room and other areas when I’d just have to move it again. So I went and bought a moderately priced paint sprayer (same price as renting for four hours) and got down to business.
My body had other plans for me. This fibromyalgia and vitamin D deficiency has ended up kicking my butt. I physically could not manage just the painting of the baseboards. I laid them all out on the driveway and just kneeling down to spray them was more than I could manage. How the hell did I manage pulling up all that nail down wood just a couple months ago? Where did that energy come from and where is it now?
Ya, it’s more than just kneeling, but I can’t explain it. The problem with fibromyalgia is that you don’t look sick. And mentally, I’m not. And I’m young still. But I hurt everywhere. When I get up in the morning even the bottoms of my feet hurt. I feel like I’m a hundred and two years old.
Clearly, I am just going to have to hire people to do these things for me from now on. This doesn’t mean I’m a cripple or can’t do any projects, it just means I’m going to have to be more selective about which ones and how much energy and physical exertion they take. I’m learning that too much exertion is as bad as too little exertion and stress exacerbates my fibromyalgia. I’m stressing over this stuff way too much.
(Is this guy for hire?)
Until I can afford to pay for the labor, I’m going to get back to sewing. Nothing give me more joy than my sewing and creating things for myself and my loved ones. I have a foldable table that I’m going to set my machines on for now, and still have the table I used before for cutting. Really, what more do I need? And… I have a new friend at work who – get this – SEWS! She has an embroidery machine too and we’re going to plan a sewing day. (See, I told you I was blessed.)
I’ve learned that when obstacles get in my way, there’s no point fighting them. Do what I can and if they don’t budge, then maybe my God has other plans for me. Maybe I’m supposed to go around them or look at alternative solutions.
So what will be first up? I’m not sure. Something quick and gratifying. Maybe a small quilt for my granddaughter’s dolls? Maybe a tried and true top from my stash? Suggestions?
Happy Sewing from Lily and me.