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Seen in the (online dating) wild…

August 13, 2008

** Warning: Snark infested waters ahead **

I decided to test the waters and venture forth into online dating. I’d tried this before several years ago and wasn’t successful. Actually, I gave up early because all the men that responded to me were either way too old for me (as in 15+ years older) or looking for “one thing” only, and it wasn’t honorable.

It’s a strange world out there, and maybe I should be careful about expecting too much, but attention to detail is important to me, as is correct spelling. So, for your entertainment – or maybe it’s just for my entertainment –  here’s a bit of what I’ve come across so far.

My profile has seven pictures on it – all nice ones, I think.

Guy #1 messaged me and said “Nice photo. Do you have more?” To which I replied, “Which of my seven photos were you referring to?”

Okay, so that smartass comment probably won’t win me any points, but seriously… if you are going to impress a woman, at least take the time to make sure you chose the right pre-written standard reply.

More from the same guy: “not much in the bar scence these days.I work full time time in the Computer field.I care for three parrots that live with me they are very similiar to kids as you can get.”

Really? Parrots are like kids? How so?

Guy #2’s first intro sentence: “The feature that captures my attention is the butt”

Ah, well, then. I’m in luck.

And his closing sentence: “my ideal mate is not so small i like a little meat on I’m not in beeriest to be with girls are bigger i pa fer a big but”

I’m sure that will win some girl’s heart. Just not mine.

Guy #3: “I am self motavated with lots of common scents and love to listen.”

And which scents would those be? Lavender? Vanilla? or Pina Colada?

Okay, so I could find more. But I also found more profiles that I liked than I could make fun of. And one guy messaged me about 2 weeks ago – before I signed up – and asked me to coffee. I responded and said yes, but I’m still waiting to hear back. Maybe he’s going to wait two weeks because he thought that’s what I did. I didn’t even see the message until yesterday. 🙂 But I do hope he responds because I need some coffee.

Until then, I guess I’ll make my own coffee.

Latah, folks…

  1. August 13, 2008 7:03 am

    I worked with a woman who was a huge story teller (I hate to call her a liar because she really believed the things she said!), and she told us that her daughters had put her picture and info on and that there had been a ton of responses. So of course when she left for the day we jumped on line to look. There was absolutely nothing about her on the site (big surprise). But what shocked me was the amount of people I did know and the totally outdated pictures that were posted. I recognized one man and even though he’s in his 50’s I know for a fact that the picture he offered was a college photo! Get real! If he was lucky enough to meet someone how did he intend to explain that? I’ve found that honesty is truly the best policy. Please use your common scents and don’t be in beeriest to be scene with a man who goes fer the big butts!

    Laura – your last line made me laugh out loud. Some of the photos look like serial killers to me, some look faded and outdated, and then some look like they posed some with their old girlfriends. Some seem very nice. The ones that try to appear all butch, macho, into the most gruelling sports ever, are the ones that turn me off. I just want someone honest and down to earth – with a wicked sense of humor. And they MUST love family and pets.

  2. August 13, 2008 7:28 am

    Hello Little Miss!

    My Dad is on the online dating scene. His last girlfriend lasted on and off for 5 years (they just weren’t right) and they met online. They’ve recently split and he’s posted his info back on Match.Com – Naturally I had to check out the profile because a girl has to look out for her Pop and I think it’s one of the best profiles I’ve seen! He’s so honest without being brutal and doesn’t lead anybody on for failure or disappointment! I loved it! He cracked me up by showing his humor and kindness but was also really honest….

    anyway thats my scoop. If you want to online date a man from Cape Cod look him up. lol.

    Aimee, you should send me the link to his profile in email and I’ll go check him out. Who knows? I’m on Yahoo but forgot about Match. I’ve found most guys are pretty straightfoward – if they can’t verbalize how they feel, they show by their actions. WHen they don’t call, well, they just aren’t interested. Simple as that. Next!

  3. August 13, 2008 8:00 am

    I did some online dating years ago. Even met my almost-never-mentioned other half online.
    Like offline dating, theres good and bad. Luckily, you can weed out the worst without having to spend an evening with them first.

    VV – I hadn’t thought of that bonus. Great point.

  4. August 13, 2008 8:51 am

    I’m still afraid of ending up with a serial killer. I am so paranoid. I could never date anyone who couldn’t spell. I do know a few people who have had great success with meeting each other online. I can’t wait to hear more about this.

    Joan – being an editor, you can imagine how it makes my teeth hurt to see some of the atrocious writing in these profiles. And believe me, you’ll probably hear more about this than you care to.

  5. August 13, 2008 10:17 am

    This post made me lol all over the place. The butt guy! Oh my God. And three parrots?! What on earth does his house smell like? He should meet the common scents guy.

    If nothing else this will provide you with great material for posts. I loved this.

    Wendy – my first husband insisted on having a parrot once. Oh god, that was the nastiest thing I’d ever encountered. I had to clean up after it daily so the babies wouldn’t eat the poop that was flung out of the cage. And, yes, the stench. Ewww.

  6. Bev permalink
    August 13, 2008 10:26 am

    Holy schmoly. Yep, interesting and laughable and who knows? Your one true love might be out there just waiting for you to find him amongst all the ick.

    My fabulous husband doesn’t always spell everything perfectly, so I guess I’d have to take a few misspelled words with a grain of salt. On the other hand, my boss has never spelled a word wrong in his life, would write a very interesting and thoughtful online profile, but is shallow and narcissistic and childish. So!

    I agree with the others……fodder for many interesting posts!

    Bev – I can certainly overlook a few typos or misspellings in exchange for fabulosity, any day. Especially if they are handy with power tools and home fix-it-upping stuff. And good looking, and… Okay, I’ll save that stuff for later. Hahaha.

  7. August 13, 2008 12:54 pm

    Online dating has bad and good, just like real dating. The only plus I found with online was the ability to weed through the a-oles faster 😆 That is what I told my girl friends! I was very up front with my questions, I expected real answers too. I was told I was a b…. more than a few times too 😉 My idea was that I wanted someone that mattered, that we had items in common, my best friend, and I wasn’t settling. Why should I settle, I already had kids, owned a home, and I expected the same kind of responsibility from a guy. Yes there were plenty of guys after one thing, I remember my profile was really upfront about that too – beat around no bush 😀 I have been married now for almost 10 years to the man I meet via my online dating. Another girl friend got married last year from her online dating, she says he is her best friend. My dh and I emailed for several weeks, then we talked on the phone for a couple weeks, then I agreed to meet him in person – 3 months after the initial contact. By the time I meet him I already knew so much about him!

  8. August 13, 2008 1:19 pm

    Of course you can have his link! Just don’t post his humorous misdeeds on here because…. you know…. he’s my daddy!

  9. August 17, 2008 1:00 pm

    Hey LM would you do me a solid favor and remove my comment with his link in it? I meant to e-mail it to you and I don’t know how he’d feel about it up here in blog land. 🙂


  10. August 17, 2008 7:19 pm

    Hey, Aimee – I deleted the link, but left your comment. Is that okay?

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