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Keeping it real.

March 16, 2009

I’m not perfect. I try to be. I’d love for you to think I am, but that’s not reality. I slip, I fall, but I pick myself right back up and start over again.

I read one of my comments tonight (I read them all) where my bloggy friend, Laura, was talking to me about how she thought of me when she made a really healthy choice for her meal.

“Remembering how you made your dinner selection the other night, I decided on a cup of chicken soup, half of a grilled veggie sandwich, and an apple. I felt very virtuous let me tell you!! And it really was very good! You know, the more careful you are, the better food seems to taste.”

As I read her lovely words, I have to tell you, I was munching down on a fatty bowl of popcorn.  There, I said it publicly. I confess. Not making a good choice right at that moment.

Popcorn, with melted light butter, made the old-fashioned way in a pan, is my downfall. That’s my comfort food. I used to have entire meals of popcorn and ice cream. Yeah, that’s what got me to my top weight. And I’m having the hardest time giving it up. I really think I need to just toss it in the trash and get it out of the house.

My weigh in was not good today either. I was up 2.4, but I’ve done that about three times on this journey, and it’s usually followed by that much or more coming off in the next week or two. So, honestly, I’m not worried, but it is indicative of several behaviors:

  • I’m not tracking my food diligently
  • I’m not drinking enough water
  • I’m not sleeping well enough, or long enough
  • I’m eating too many carbs (I found those one-calorie bagels and Weight Watchers Whipped Cream Cheese to. die. for.)
  • I’m stressed with work deadlines
  • I’m not being active enough
  • I’m doing too much and not focusing enough on myself and taking care of myself
  • I ate out too much when my brother was here
  • I got too busy to stop and cook healthy meals

One thing that’s important to me about my weigh loss is that it is sustainable. I’m afraid of gaining weight, but I still eat for the emotional comfort it provides. That’s human. It’s going to take me a while to learn how to not use food to deal with stress but substitute other, more nurturing behaviors. I also know that life events happen and there are going to be weeks where there will be a gain, but that doesn’t mean I have to give up or even feel bad about it.

I don’t feel bad – or guilty – about the weight gain this week. It happens. What matters is that I look at it and see what caused it. I can almost directly link it to food intake. None of this “muscles are heavier than fat, being bloated, too much sodium”, or any other excuse. I just ate poorly and made bad choices all around.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I’m going to keep on keeping it real.

How are you keeping it real?

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3 Comments
  1. March 16, 2009 11:41 pm

    You’ve been doing so well with your weight-loss journey. You must be proud!!!

    I lost quite a bit of weight last year and so far have kept it off for 4 months. Something that struck a note with me was a comment that I read *somewhere* about French women generally being well groomed and a healthy weight. The comment was that French women don’t diet … they just don’t buy clothes in larger sizes. If their clothes start getting a bit tight then they do something about it right away and just modify what they eat for a few days.

    In reality, the comment is a huge generalisation! However, I find that now I’m at my goal weight I can monitor myself and ‘tweak’ things on a weekly basis to stay on track. I know you aren’t at that stage yet, but I thought it may help you too.

    Well done 🙂

  2. March 17, 2009 8:29 am

    Okay.. after reading this post….I’m starting to believe that Weight Watchers put crack in the cream cheese because I love it so much too.. lol I mean to the point where I’m licking the spoon and I’ve never done that with any food before.. haha..
    Hang in there chick.. Just remember.. we are responsible for what we eat.. and no one else is gonna help us lose the weight except for ourselves. 😉

  3. March 18, 2009 5:00 am

    I had to laugh when I saw that you remarked on my comment about my lunch choice. I sounded so sanctimonious!! So get this; last Monday as I desperately tried to finish up the zillion chores in my house that I absolutely had to get done before leaving that evening for The Big City, I ate THREE huge pieces of chocolate roll cake and drank a pot of coffee. I felt like absolute crap by the end of the day! Chocolate roll cake is my total weakness and my mother makes me one every year for my birthday. It’s a chocolate sponge cake rolled up with a wonderful creamy filling and topped with mocha chocolate frosting. The only way to get rid of it is to eat it. And I did!

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